Husband of the Year

To The “Husband of the Year Deliberations Committee”:

I would like to formally nominate my hubby, Jojo, for 2006 Husband of the Year. I know this entry may be premature since there are still 7 & a half months to go before year-end. But believe me when I tell you that your search is over and you can be assured you have a winner here!

Let me explain.

My hubby has always been pretty wonderful. Very supportive, extremely hardworking, quite thoughtful and super dedicated. But the last three days, he has gone above and beyond the call of duty and has really put into action his vow of “in sickness and in health”.

I’ve been down with the worst case of flu known to man. Either I’m getting older or the flu virus has developed a new strain (probably both), but I was really, really, really O-U-T of it the last 3 days. (I’m not 100% ok yet but am much better).

It started Wednesday afternoon with a scratchy throat and feeling very tired. I wanted to get some rest but I had stuff to finish at work and a three-hour class that night. I got home with a splitting headache and went to bed without having any dinner. Thursday morning was crazy, I had a fever and chills at the same time, but had to deliver a 2-hour outplacement workshop in L.A. I couldn’t drive myself to the client, and frankly, don't remember much about what happened at the workshop. I can barely remember what I said to the participants but I do remember that Jojo drove me to and from the client site in between going to his office. Once I got home around noon, I was asleep before my head hit the pillow, while Jojo had to rush back to work – most likely having his lunch in the car. I had a 2:00 pm conference call that day, and my hubby had thoughtfully set our alarm to wake me 5 minutes before so I wouldn’t sound like I had just gotten out of bed when I took the call (I still did though). Beyond that, I slept for about 8 hours straight and woke to a bowl of chicken noodle soup and apple juice that my hubby prepared.

Friday, was pretty much the same. I was asleep most of the day. Although Jojo thoughtfully made sure that before he left for work, I had my medicine, juice, tissue box, eye drops, cellphone, and inhaler all within reach. He would call every 4 hours (like clockwork) to remind me to take my medicine, eat something, and get rest. And he was home at exactly 7 pm to make me vegetable soup for dinner, empty my wastebasket, and replenish my empty juice bottle.

If that doesn’t get him the award, consider this. Every time I would so much as shift in my sleep, he would be instantly awake and make sure I was ok. The slightest whisper of his name and he would be alert even if it was just me asking him to scratch my back or untangle the comforter under him. He would obligingly turn on his bedside lamp if I needed to go the restroom (even if we have a nightlight on) and I had a lamp on my side of the bed too. He would wake me at 2 am and remind me to take my medicine and he would get up to bring me a glass of warm water whenever I had a coughing spell. This from a guy who needs three sets of alarms in the morning to get himself out of bed.

I’m telling you, this was above and beyond his husbandly duties. Believe me when I say I am not exactly Miss Congeniality when I’m sick. I am NOT an easy patient to take care of. I alternate between bouts of self-pity, extreme crankiness, and unusual amounts of laziness. But did my sad spells and orneriness, get to my hubby? Not at all. We are talking about a man who exhibited the patience of Job. He would take no offense to my whining, complaining, and give in to my brattiest demands. He is truly amazing.

To top it off, this whole weekend, while being my on-call nurse, he has done all the household chores that need to be done (in anticipation of my family’s arrival). He has laundered sheets, towels, blankets. He (with the help of Tito Dan) has set up the new stainless steel oven we purchased last week. He has gone to the grocery for juice, cough drops and fruits. He has done my laundry and folded the clothes away. He has made tinola (homemade chicken soup) the way my mom did when I was sick. And he has allowed me to watch every sweet sappy romantic movie on the Lifetime Channel – not complaining that he missed his Saturday morning shows.

And so, now that I am back from the dead (although still a bit woozy), I want to thank him for being the bestest husband ever and to assure him that I’m not usually the Bride of Frankenstein when I get sick (it’s this new virus strain, I tell you!). And that I am grateful for what he has done and is still doing (he’s actually tidying up the kitchen as I type this). In my defense, I AM still sick.

So, Committee Members, I urge you, no, I demand you to give him the Husband of the Year award or else I’ll be sure to pass this flu virus on to each one of you!

The Bookseller of Kabul

After reading a few chapters in between everything else, I finally finished reading The Bookseller of Kabul by Åsne Seierstad. The book is set in Afghanistan, after the fall of the Taliban. It is a non-fiction account of the political and social turmoil of the country as seen thru the eyes of an atypical Afghani family. Ms. Seierstad lived with the family of Sultan Khan, a bookseller, for five months. This experience allowed her to write about the lives of the members of the Khan family, and what it means to live in a country that has weathered an extraordinary amount of upheaval. She wrote haunting narratives about each member of the family and depicted graphically their fears, their hopes, their temptations, their joys, their frustrations.

The book narrated traditions that many of the Western world would consider barbaric. Buying brides that are half the groom’s age; arranged marriages without the bride or groom’s consent; women being restricted from attending school or even going out in public alone; a young girl murdered by her brothers for committing adultery; wearing the constricting burkas that masked everything except women’s eyes; lives of complete servitude for young unmarried women; and having your hand cut off for stealing bread for your starving family, among others.

Ms. Seierstad assures readers that the book’s purpose is not meant to judge nor to create repulsion for such acts. But rather, is the author taking a step back and simply allowing the characters, who have been silenced for so long, to speak out and tell their stories. In that regard it is a powerful and fascinating piece of literature.

However, having had some time to reflect, I found that the tone of the book, although intended to be neutral and objective, often focused more on the negative aspects of Afghan society. There was a masked but still present criticism of the culture’s practices of male dominance, female subservience, and religious fervor. There was a thinly veiled air of criticism surrounding the stories told. I thought there was not enough substance showing the more positive characteristics of the Afghan people. Surely there must be something more the author could have said about how important family and tradition is to the culture, how the people have risen above so many years of war and reigns of terror, how the country is now desperately trying to rebuild after so much devastation. Instead the focus was more on what was then and is now still wrong with the overall picture.

I guess it is a difficult task to remain completely unbiased towards a cultural practice and tradition that is so completely foreign from your own. And that the author probably struggled with this dilema with every chapter she wrote. However inspite of this, I would still recommend the book (maybe to my book club eventually), after all it is still a compelling and stirring piece. And the author overall does a good job of giving a detailed, albeit oftentimes one-dimensional, depiction of Afghanistan’s history and culture. Still, I would caution readers to read the book with an open mind and not take everything purely at face value.

Incidentally, Sultan Khan, the patriarch of the Khan family, is suing the author over what he claims is a defamation of himself, his family and his country. Khan does not come out as a hero in this book and is in fact depicted quite negatively. Obviously by inviting a journalist into his home and welcoming her into his family, this is not how he imagined he would be portrayed. Khan maintains that the author took advantage of the plight of a society that is trying to recover from oppression. And that the author also took advantage of the trust and hospitality that Khan and his family showed her by focusing on the salacious and sordid aspects of their lives. He states that the author’s work is not a deep study of Afghan life but rather a story that has been highly sensationalized to increase sales.

As of yet, the lawsuit has not been resolved.

Lisa Loeb in the House

My hubby is responsible for this super up close picture of my niece, Meredith, and myself

So over the weekend, Lisa Loeb was in our house. Well, not the real Lisa Loeb but the image of Lisa Loeb. (Speaking of Lisa, where has she been lately?) The last I saw her was on a Food Network show that faded into oblivion after a few weeks. Guess she didn’t have much “STAYing” power.

This all started last Thursday when my right eye got very red and very teary over dinner, so on Friday my hubby takes me to see Dr. Reiner (my ophthalmologist). Turns out my right eye has a bacterial infection (caused by my contact lens), so along with antibiotics, I’ve been prescribed not to wear contact lenses for a week. I’ve had to go back to the dark ages and unearth my old eyeglasses. I thought that for 7 days I can make do with my old pair – or at least use the old eyeglass frames since my lenses needed to be upgraded. Unfortunately, my new lenses (which are quite thick) can not fit into the old frames, so I had to pick out new frames.

This is where it gets tricky. Without my contact lenses/glasses, I have really, really bad vision. So you can see how picking out a new pair of eyeglass frames can be very problematic. I tried on about 10 different pairs, while the world’s most unhelpful store clerk looked on. I swear she would take one frame out at a time and every time I pointed to another one I wanted to try, she would make a big deal about polishing the previous pair, opening the glass case, returning the glasses, unlocking another glass cabinet, taking down the new pair, polishing that with a little cloth before handing it over. All this in slow, deliberate motion. And having two pairs out at the same time to compare them was unheard of! Only one pair at a time could be brought out. I guess the top-level security was necessary cause of the rash of dummy-eyeglass-frames-with-plastic-lenses robberies across Los Angeles!

My hubby was no big help either. Every (and I mean EVERY) pair I would try on, he would have the same “it looks fine” comment. And the sales person, well, she was hardly Miss Enthusiastic after I turned down a pair of Prada frames that cost $400.00. So I, along with my terrible eyesight, was on my own, which is how I ended up with my Lisa Loeb frames. Check out her glasses at www.lisaloeb.com.

I guess apart from looking a bit funky they aren’t so bad. They kinda grow on you and I did get some compliments from family and friends (at a surprise party for my sister in law, Marik, over the weekend). BTW, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Ate Marik! This is the second year we’ve had a surprise party for her and I think she was less surprised this year -- so maybe we’ll have think of something else next year.

Anyway the point is, I came to realize this is exactly what “someone” and I have been talking about very recently (I apologize for taking credit for what you said – but honestly I can’t recall who I had this conversation with. How sad is that???). Anyway the conversation was about how we totally overlook certain things and only realize their value when we lose them. Classic example -- my contact lenses. I remember being so thrilled when I first wore them since it relieved me of wearing glasses, but over the years wearing them has really became second nature to me. But now, being told not to wear them, well, the world just does not seem right anymore. All of a sudden, I’m noticing how my glasses fog up in the bathroom, how I can’t wear them in the shower, how the bridge of my nose is getting red/dented marks, how I need to wipe them with my little cloth every so often …

Same idea as how you are never thankful you don’t have a headache until you get one. I’m not trying to be existential or philosophical here. Nor am I suggesting that we have meaningful conversations with all the little modern conveniences in our lives. (Thank you Mr. Coffeemaker, thank you Mr. Computer …). But rather realizing that we do often take things for granted and only really realize their value when they are gone. And yes, I think it is even more relevant when we think about the people in our lives. Of course … this is by no means a novel idea, in fact it is an age-old fundamental truth. Funny, though, since it is yet something else we have also been guilty of overlooking. (Yup, ironic how we have overlooked the things we overlook).

Working in America

One of the more interesting things I’ve noticed, as a career consultant, is that most of my clients have multiple and diverse work backgrounds. Most of them do not seem to stay very long in a particular job, company or city. My observation is that most Americans would have had between four to six jobs and would have lived in three to five different cities by the time they reach 30.

Take one of my current clients, while he was born and raised in St. Louis (Missouri) and his family resides in that area, he started his career working as a marketing assistant in Portland (Oregon) while in college, moved on to becoming a marketing and events rep for a different company (still in Portland) for another year, moved to Seattle (Washington) and worked as a Events Organizer for two and a half years, moved to Lincoln (Nebraska) and worked as a Public Relations Associate for a year and a half, transferred to San Jose (California) to take a job as a Marketing Manager for a little over two years, and is finally in Los Angeles (California) and has been a Manager for Events Marketing since January 2006. That’s 6 different jobs in 5 different cities and he just turned 29.

I think what amazes me, aside from the fact that this is a country that possess an incredibly transient workforce, is the fact that it is very different from the work style / behavior of folks back where I come from. In Manila, most people stay in the same job for many, many, many years. In fact, I worked for only one company in Manila for over 4 years and would probably have stayed on had I not decided to go back to school. My dad has been with same company for over 35 years (ok, granted that it’s his company so it’s a little different). But most of my dad’s employees have been with the company for 10, 15, 20, 25 years. Also, Jojo’s dad worked for the same company throughout his professional career, slowly rising through the ranks. So the trend is pretty similar. And even with the remote possibility that an employee may for whatever reason leave a job, you can bet that the chances he will still live in the same place and find another job that is close to where he lives or where he used to work is almost certain.

In the States, it is the other way around, people tend to live where they work. No qualms about picking up and moving half-way across the country to take another job and find another place to live. People generally seem to relocate without as much hesitation or with less sense of indecisiveness. They will most of the time leave a company because a better opportunity presents itself. And many times have no reservations about resigning if they are unhappy and dissatisfied with their current employer.

I came up with several rationalizations (from the Pinoy perspective) to explain the differences:
- First, there are the obvious reasons, the Philippine economy is certainly not as robust as the U.S. economy, so good jobs are harder to find and good companies to work for are much more rare. Then there is the geographic limitations, the Philippines is a smaller country with fewer “business centers” so the prospect of moving to a better job (in another city) is therefore more limited as well.
- But more than that, I think it is the mentality too. Filipinos have a very strong sense of family (and community). This is manifested in two ways. First, they view their workplace as family, which explains why they stay in each company for a longer period of time. Second, because of that sense of family, most Filipinos live with or close to their families and moving away (even for a better job) is rarely done.
- More so, most Filipinos like to “settle down”, when they find a good home, a good job, and are comfortable where they are, it is quite rare for them to “look elsewhere” for greener pastures.
- The Filipino nature has often been described as (for lack of a better word) “forgiving”, where they often take the good with the bad. In the workplace, Filipinos are very forgiving of their employers and often overlook grievances. It would probably take a very HUGE offense on the part of the employer for an employee to quit his job. It goes both ways. Most companies/employers are very magnanimous towards their employees and are very respectful towards and strongly reward seniority, loyalty, and trustworthiness.

I am definitely not saying one way of doing things is better than the other. As it usually is when comparing two cultures, one is not better or worse than the other, just different. These rationalizations can work either for the good of or are detrimental towards the employee and the employer. I can actually argue it both ways. But the point I am trying to make here is this is one of the things I find thorny in adjusting to life here (as an individual born and raised as a Filipino – and used to that work mentality – to try to adjust and establish a career here in the States).

For example, a few weeks ago, I was offered an opportunity to interview with a company in Cupertino. The company was willing to send me a plane ticket and make arrangements to fly me up there for an interview. Before I even got the job (and before I even considered going for the interview), I had already shut down the possibility of relocating. In my mind, I argued, I would never consider asking my husband to leave his job for mine, I couldn’t imagine selling our home (which I absolutely love), and I didn’t want to think about living away from the family I have here. I am too comfortable with my life here that imagining a different and uncertain one was too big a leap for me.

I know that contradicts the fact that I did make a big leap by leaving home and coming here for an education. See, I used to think I was the exception rather than the rule. But now that I’m at this stage (now that I’m 31!), maybe I’m falling into that pattern of “settling” and “getting too comfortable”. Maybe I'm limiting myself too much and passing up on more "what-could-be's". Or maybe I'm just being true to who I am and what feels right. I 'm not sure. It’s something that I have been thinking about a lot lately.


P.S. The sweeping generalizations I have made with this post are just that, generalizations. And although there are obviously people (both Filipinos and Americans) who differ from the norm, for the purpose of my post, I’ve decided to go ahead and, well, generalize.

My hubby's turn

I decided to ask Jojo to fill this out (even if I didn't tag him). Luckily, he obliged and was actually quite into this whole thing. Here's some rare inside scoop about my hubby.

5 Restaurants you never get tired of:
Chipotle
BCD Tofu House
The Cheesecake Factory
Via Mare
Black Angus

5 Places You’ve Lived:
Mandaluyong City (Manila)
Las Pinas (Manila)
Cleveland
Los Angeles
Torrance

5 Movies you could watch over and over again:
Star Wars
James Bond Films
Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Indiana Jones series
X-Men (both movies)

5 Books on your Nightstand:
Crystal Reports 9
The Da Vinci Code
Blink
Son of Superman
Start Late, Finish Rich

5 Websites you visit daily:
www.yahoo.com
www.google.com
www.inq7.net
www.isc2.org
www.tokyopop.com

5 Places you like to shop:
Barnes & Noble
Borders
Fry’s
Best Buy
The Avenue

5 People you would have over for dinner:
Bill Gates
William Buffet
Sultan of Brunei
Pope Benedict
Osama Bin Laden (I want to ask him if it was worth it!)

5 Jobs you’ve had:
Computer Programmer
Systems Analyst
Project Leader
Internet Café Owner
IT Support Specialist

5 Things you would do with a million dollars:
Pay off all debt (mortgage, car loan, etc)
Invest
Take a European vacation with my wife and family
Buy my wife jewelry
Start a business

5 Things you would rather be doing than what you’re suppose to be doing right now:
Sleep
Head for the beach and just relax
Skydive
Read comics
Eat my favorite foods (my mother-in-law’s cooking!)

P.S. The part about "buying my wife jewelry", I swear I didn't put him up to that! :)