Disappointment

There is some closure to the anxiety and frustration I’ve been having due to my job searching. In particular, I’ve been waiting to hear back from two companies regarding possibly joining their Training and Development teams. This week, I’ve waited with baited breath, and finally I have my answers. I wish it were great news. Unfortunately life is not a series of granted wishes.

Very briefly let me walk you thru the rollercoaster ride of emotions I have gone thru lately. Company A, a Fortune 500 company, called me yesterday (after almost 3 months, several rounds of interviews, an hour long presentation I staged for their management team, and beating out 75 other applicants). They offered me a job but had to later retract the offer because of some legal technicalities. It’s a long story but suffice it to say they did their best, I did my best, but a resolution could not be met. Company B, a large private institution in L.A., called me today (this after 8 weeks of interviews – phone, face-to-face, and panel – as well as a two-hour demo I had to present, and being one of the two final contenders). Their news was I had come in second. Meaning they had offered someone who had more years of experience the job BUT if he declined or did not make it thru their background and reference checks, they would offer it to me.

A small part of me is happy and proud that I had made it thru the whole “selection process circus” but a larger part of me is disconcerted and crestfallen that I did not get the job. For those who know me well, you would know that I am extremely competitive and confident, and as a result I do not take rejection and defeat well. It’s been hard for me the last few days to sit and wait for the news and even tougher the last few hours to come to grips with the results.

I guess it’s easy to wallow in self-pity and to feel a strong sense of dejection over not coming out on top. After all, second place, according to some, is first place among the losers. I could choose to rant about unfairness of circumstance and to bemoan how I was robbed of an opportunity that should have been mine. I can spend the next few days blaming others, myself, fate and even God. Or I could just curl up in a corner and give up.

Tempting? Yes, it is. But then again, what would be the point of this post if I had taken one of those easy ways out? How could I face my parents and the rest of my family after they had shown such an awesome amount of support and encouragement towards me? How could I face God knowing that my faith was so weak and shallow that after being tested I automatically give up? And most of all, how could I live with myself knowing that I couldn’t get up and brush myself off after a fall?

And so, it's back on the saddle again for me. Hopefully now better, wiser and more prepared.