Life's Reasons

It's uncanny how things always seem to happen for a reason. It's true that most of the time we never realize that there is a "reason" and we find ourselves questioning why we are faced with a particular predicament. It's always easy to question especially when we aren't privvy to the bigger picture and are limited only to the part that is exposed to us. But it's a fact - things do happen for a reason - even random, spontaneous and seemingly serendipitous events.

I have had the chance to understand this concept a little bit more lately. Let me explain. Yesterday, I was given the opprtunity to explore the possibility of moving to the next step in my career. Had I pursued it and had it worked out, it would mean a job with a lot more responsibility, power, and prestige, not to mention a subtantial jump in pay and benefits. Of course it goes without saying that it would mean longer work hours, more pressure, more stress and more anxiety too. I decided to re-think that offer but was really flattered to have even been considered for it.

I was talking to my hubby about it last night and while describing the offer and the job, I started having thoughts like "can I do this?", "am I qualified enough?", and "why would they even consider me?". Of course Jojo eased all my doubts by saying "if you wanted to, you can definitely do it. It's what you're doing right now". I had to stop and realize that well, yes, I guess in a way I'm already "at that level". At that stage in my career.

Then I thought about it some more. How did I get "here"? (Professionally speaking, of course!) My thoughts kind of snowballed. Every professional step I've taken was preceeded by an experience that helped me take that step. I got my current job (Company A), because of my last job (Company B). And I got there because of my masters degree (and the internship program that sent me to work for Company B). I went for grad studies because of my course at Berkeley which happened because of my first job back in Manila (Company C). And I started with Company C because my grandmother plays mahjong with my former boss' mom (who told guama about the job opening!). Thank God for mahjong!

But now that I backtrack, I realize that there were undoubtably good times at every stage but along with that I had done my fair share of complaining and wondering what my life/career meant at that point. It's so strange cause I recall that while working for Company C, so many people asked me why I chose to work there and I kept asking myself where I was going with that career. But honestly as my first job and it was such a great work experience and really helped me definie what I wanted to do - it also made me think about going for further studies. That led me to coming here and while at school (Berkeley and AIU) I kept wondering if I had made the right choice and what the hell was I thinking going back to school (when I barely made it out of high school and college alive!). But I met some great mentors at school and really got a solid foundation in my chosen field. Then when I got the internship at Company B and had to work for free (as in no pay!) I doubted my self worth and kept questioning what this all meant and why was I doing this. But truthfully that internship opened up the doors that eventually got me hired full time (still by Company B). Even then I still had so many concerns about what my purpose was, whether I was living up to my potential and why I had to work such a (in my mind) dead-end job. But those 2 and ½ years were really defining in helping me understand this profession, gave me exposure to working in Corporate America, and even gave me the chance to learn from my bosses who are such experts in my field. Then at a networking event (and now armed with more experience), I got this job (Company A). But my first year here I kept asking why was I given this job with all its challenges and pressures. I kept thinking I'm not ready and I'm not going to last but strangely it's been over a year and a half and I'm still alive (haven't been fired AND actually got bonuses and salary increases along the way). And sure, it's still tough, and there are days where I still want to tear all my hair out, but I have to admit it really is a great opportunity for professional development and for building one's character (it's taught me so many things about myself) - and of course, it's also opened up further opportunities like the one I was given yesterday.

I guess what I am trying to say is sometimes we find ourselves in a place where we don't understand the purpose for our being there and we don't see how it can do us any good. This may be professionally speaking or even the personal part of our lives. We bitch and question and rant. Since we don't know what the future holds, it's easy for us to doubt and complain. But when we are given the chance to look back, it does all make sense and everything does seem to fit in place. God really is in control and He has a plan for each one of us. So now that I know this - will it make me more accepting of where I am and what life throws my way ... probably not ... I'm only human after all ... but it will make me think twice and try to exhibit some amount of patience for things to become clearer in time.