Jojo and I got into a huge argument last night. It started out innocently enough. We had just finished dinner and were relaxing infront of the tv when the preview for the "Sex and the City" movie came on. I commented that this was a great movie to watch with a couple of girlfriends but since my girlfriends weren't here, I asked Jojo if he would watch the movie with me instead. Jojo (who was sitting across from me) answered that this wasn't his type of movie so he most likely would not watch it. The rest of the conversation went like this:
Joanne: You wouldn't watch it with me even if you knew I really wanted to see it?
Jojo: Well, it's not my type of movie. I didn't even like it when it was on tv. Why don't you watch it with your girlfriends at work or with my sisters?
Joanne: But for argument's sake, let's say I had no one to go with, would you watch it with me?
Jojo: Well, if you really wanted to, I guess I could go with you but I wouldn't watch it.
Joanne: Not watch it? We'll be in a movie theater, what else would you be doing other than watch it?
Jojo: I don't know ... take a nap, listen to my Ipod, play with my cellphone.
Joanne: You mean you would go to the movie just for the sake of going with me but make sure you let me know you really didn't want to be there?
Jojo: The point is I'm going with you because you asked me to.
Joanne: How am I suppose to enjoy the film knowing you would much rather be anywhere else than there with me?
Jojo: That's the point, I don't want to be there but I'm going anyway.
This is where things were starting to HEAT UP.
Joanne: How many times have I gone to see a movie you wanted to see and never made you feel like I was doing you such an enormous favor?
Jojo: Like what?
Joanne: Like Lord of the Rings (all 3 movies!). I didn't want to see that but I knew you did so I went.
Jojo: But you said you liked it too.
Joanne: I liked it because I gave it a shot ... because I wasn't so negative about it ... because I tried to see it from your point of view.
Jojo: So you liked it ... then it's not the same thing.
Joanne: What about Hellboy? I didn't sleep through it or do something else while watching it. I saw the whole thing and hated it but I didn't make you guilty about asking me to watch it with you.
Jojo: That's my point. I'll watch the movie with you but I know I'll hate it too.
Joanne: You won't even try to give the movie a chance plus you'll make me feel guilty about asking you to go!
I was getting angrier by the minute and couldn't understand why he was getting so angry too.
Joanne: You know what? Forget it! If you don't want to watch the movie, then don't! Honestly, I don't really want to see it, I was just testing you. And you failed the test. So don't worry about me bringing it up again.
Jojo: This is impossible. If I tell you I don't want to watch it, you get upset. If I tell you, I'll go just to make you happy, you get upset. I can't pretend to like it when I don't. Wouldn't it better to go with someone who wants to see it instead of making me go. You are being so unreasonable.
WHOA!!! ME? UNREASONABLE???!!! That was the straw that broke the camel's back. We did not discuss it again the rest of the night. Well, since then, we have resolved our differences and we've kissed and made up. But ...
We need your help to please put this argument to rest - to all my readers out there - please cast your unbiased vote - who has the more valid point here? Me? or Jojo? Politically Correct answers (like "you both have a point" are acceptable too) but I'd rather get a headcount on who's on my side and who's on his! We promise that the results of this poll will not ignite World War 3 in our household ... results will only used by the winner for purely gloating purposes.
Voting deadline is next Monday (June 8). Please post your vote on this blog's comment section. You can do that by simply clicking on the comments line at the bottom of this post. Thank you in advance!
29 comments:
Actually walang winner. It's you being a woman and your husband being a man. Ganyan din sa household namin, EXACTLY. It's a Mars and Venus thing. Manood ka ng "The Break Up". We're just built differently from men and sometimes me matiempo ka na gusto rin nila yung gusto mo (tawag doon bading), iba talaga ang hilig sa babae and you can't force them to do something they don't want. Same goes for us na they can't force us to do "guy" things pero dahil siguro masmepagkamartyr ang babae, gagawin natin, sasamahan natin, we'll even exert the extra effort and not say anything which actually will cause a bigger problem kasi you create an expectation na gagawin din nila for you. It's a bit difficult for women pero what works with men is that you have to be straight to the point. Parang surprise party, babae usually kapag sinabi niya ayaw niya ng surprise party e gusto talaga pero kapag lalaki e ayaw talaga. Kaya kaming magasawa Jon en Marsha. You're both right! :)
You both have a point. Jojo can give the movie a try and perhaps get to like it. I remember he used not to like watching plays but lately he does enjoy them. On the other hand, since he has already prejudged his response, it is going to be hard to change that. Maybe you can see this movie with friends and later invite him again on some similar movies. I am sure there is a good chance he may like the movie as long as he has not prejudged it. As they say, the company is all that matters.
Thanks Monse and dad for your opinion/s. Both of you made a lot of sense ... BUT my question now is who's side are you taking? Enough being PC and saying we are both right. One of us is "right-er" than the other. Who's side are you really on!? (Haha!)
Monse, please remember that we've been friends since we were 5 (that's close to 28 year!). And dad, I shouldn't have to remind you that blood is thicker than water! =)
haha. I'm kidding ... or am I?
i'd go with you but i would definitely say that i dont want the movie too. honesty prevails. never liked it anyway.... go kuy!
In marriage, some things are best shared with husband or wife; others better when done alone or with other parties, and still some are even more desirable when kept from the other.
To explain my side, I've seen the series on cable and the few episodes that i've seen, i cannot relate to it ergo my disinterest in watching the movie. I dont know any guy who knows about Manolo Blanik shoes and why they would cost a thousand dollars? Its definitely a chick flick. I have no qualms when it comes to accompanying my wife to a movie but watching the movie and liking it is another thing.
Hi Joanne....Sorry, but i will be on the side of Jojo...... If i don't want to watch the show, i simply say so and thats it. Sometimes i do give in to accommodate. Pizza knows it as she knows the type of movies i want to watch. But, i don't stop her from watching the flick with her friends or relatives.....
I think while it was okay for Jojo to not want to watch a chick flick, he could have handled the situation a little better. Janice and I also have very different tastes in movies. She likes romatic comedies (27 Dresses) while I like either mindtwisters (Memento) or independent films (Lost in Translation). What we do is we alternate selecting the movie and the other just goes along. There are times she ends up liking a movie I chose (Juno) or I end up liking one she chose (Just Like Heaven). In the end, it's all about compromise and realizing that watching a movie together is more important than the movie itself. I know Janice is looking forward to Sex and the City since she was hooked on the series, so I'm already prepared to watch it. I think it was nice of Jojo to agree to watch it with you, but telling you he would not be watching and would be doing other stuff was quite unnecessary. Sorry, Jojo! That isn't to say Janice and I don't have big arguments. We've had our share of big arguments as well, but luckily movies are not one of them.
hey jo, after i saw your email earlier, i got really curious and had to look at this post.
i think jojo has a point. if he really doesnt like to watch the movie and you can find other people to watch it with, then you should just go watch with them. why subject him to 2 hours of agony if he really doesnt like it?
however, if you really want to watch it with him, then i guess that he should go with you just because... sorry, jojo...
Hi Joanne, sounds like it was a healthy misunderstanding. I'm glad you are getting some practice in trying to resolve marital arguments. No winners here - but you both were able to express your feelings well . Congratulations - this saves you a trip to a psychiatrist. Glad to hear from you.
Hey dets,
I just read your blog and I must say I understand... (although Marc isn't like that with me since he likes watching everything I like to watch too...sorry for that)
But anyway, I would have to say in all honesty...since you are my sister and I know you so well...that maybe Jojo is sort of, just a little bit,kind of, right in this "fight". You see, in my opinion, it wouldn't really be a fight if you didn't bring up and ask all those questions which would and did heat up everything...I am also somewhat like that. I mean there are times where in if a person already says no to something but we can't accept the answer so what we do is -- we keep fishing, twisting, and looking at all the angles, and bombarding the other person with more questions which eventually leads to a fight...
What I'm trying to say is....maybe Jojo shouldn't have said those harsh words but maybe you sort of provoked him too with your questions...
In the end, its true that it should be all about compromise. But we should also always respect the other person. Comparing it with past experiences only makes matters worse. I believe both of you should apologize to each other and end this little "fight". It's not worth it after all! :)
Goodluck! Let me know how things go!
hey Jo,
Hmm, seems like Ive had this type of argument countless times with Chico. We usually resolve it by agreeing to "exchange' movies, meaning if I make her watch a movie she doesnt like (ex. Resident Evil), she'll make me watch a movie she likes but I dont (ex. Across the Universe). But I just saw Sex & the City, and I found it real funny. Jojo, just disregard the referrences to expensive brands and high fashion (leave it to the chicks) and just focus on the dialogue, the cameradeire between 4 friends and the trials and tribulations that they endure and persevere through, and you'll find a really entertaining movie. Al
But OK, let me address the argument about this situation of “doing something with the wife/husband/partner/whatever even if I didn’t like it just because she/he really likes it ”. I think that the spouse/partner shouldn’t force the other party to go/do something they don’t really like, if there are other people available for escort duty (i.e. girlfriends from work). However, for argument’s sake, if there is no one else, then the other party should accompany the spouse/partner. The other party cannot very well leave the spouse/partner to be alone. And in this case, since the other party is going along, he/she should try to keep his/her public misgivings to a minimum, so as to not ruin the enjoyment of the spouse/partner too much. Joanne, I think what got your goat was that he said he’ll sleep or listen to his iPod in the theatre. Me, for a movie I didn’t like, I’d grudgingly go & I’ll probably doze off, but I wont say it in advance. (althoug I give lots of props to Jojo for honesty).
I also understand that the spouse/partner sometimes just wants to share a special moment with the other party. In that case, if it really means that much, then the other party should do it out of love and companionship and all the other fuzzy reasons. Take note though that this privilege should be reserved for those truly special and meaningful experiences and not just anytime the spouse/partner feels like it, as you have to take the other’s feelings into account also. It’s a two-way street. Although for this I have a caveat, in that if the other party really really really hates it and cant do it and this is non-negotiable, then the spouse/partner also has to understand. (i.e. I will never never never never skydive. Never. Ever.)
But enough with this opinion and advice crap. For the sake of gloating and keeping score, I think Jojo got it right with the overall sentiment, but he didn’t express it properly (I’ve learned the hard way that there are some statements you just cannot say to a woman unless you have a death wish), so I cant blame Jo for feeling angry.
(Sorry Jo, thanks for all the notes though! hehe)
Hi Dets!
I'm on your side on this one (sorry Jojo!). If you really wanted to watch the movie (and couldn't find anyone else to watch it with -- like you explained hypothetically), then I think this counts as something important to you and the other should compromise. Compromise meaning go wtih you willingly and not make you feel like you owe him big time. Anyway, it's one movie... it's not an entire day at some abstract paintings museum. Hehe. =) Although I do understand Jojo's side that he would prefer not to watch the movie, if it's something important to you then that should be reason enough to watch the movie with you right? (With attention on the screen and purposely bring an ipod or go to sleep as soon you sit) Actually, with this guy I'm dating now (although yes we're only dating so might be his best foot forward), several times I've asked him to watch some movies with me that I knew he wasn't so into, but he willingly went with me. Recently I realized that he really hated watching those kinds of films, but he said that what's important is spending time together. Last week, he invited me to watch Sex and the City even though he hates the flick too. Jojo has a point too though so if you could find someone to watch it with, then he shouldn't be obliged to watch it with you. Anyway, glad to know that you and Jojo are a normal couple and that you've made up! (Jojo, will you still welcome me in your house if I visit?!??)
hey, jo and jojo.
marou and i agree with jo. primarily coz if one is doing this out of love or obligation, then, short of a moral or physical or gender conflict, normally one is obliged to keep any reservations to themselves.
in an ideal setting, one would not have such reservations, as what makes the other happy should theoretically make one happy. and otherwise, one can pre-judge to hold their peace so as not to mar the other's happiness.
hence the saying: "rain on my parade, why don't ya?"
we've all been asked to do things we may not have 100% wanted to do, but we put our 2 copper coins in the box and hope for the best.
tacio
THANKS to everyone who voted so far. Everyone's insight is really helpful and impressively profound.
So far this is a neck-in-neck race
To recap:
Monse, dad, Mom and Uncle Junior played it safe and gave us PC answers =)
Ray, Jeff, Jill and Tash (and Marou) are on my side. (This seals our friendship for life!) Haha.
While Unc, Jay, Jacob and Joy took Jojo's side. (I think they were just confused ... and really meant to vote for me - but oh well ...).
Still a couple days left before the polls close =) It's not too late to let us know what you think and whose friendship you value more =) (No pressure!). Haha. Just kidding.
The outline of your quarrel from the start to the 'not ending as yet' is really a matter of pride and aggression.I wish the two of you might resolve and make your 'unresolved' argument with the toss of a coin. Head, my suggestion is carried foreward and binding; Tail, my suggestion is rescinded or aborted. No more quarrel, no more hurt pride, no animosity whatsoever. Problem solved.
Try this song http://youtube.com/watch?v=Yr-LkA4R_hI
HI DETS!!!
I really have no idea who should be right but I'm leaning more towards your side... I think that everyone has their own likes and dislikes which make each person an individual. However, it all boils down to compromise. You work it out with each other and put down your differences... (I feel I read that sentence from somewhere hahaha!) Everybody (especially in a family) would do things together because everyone enjoys each other's company. The time spent together is priceless and nothing can take away that bond.
My $0.02
gosh...you're so right jo ( not becuase you're my best friend or we've been friends for more than 20 yrs...) because you asked jojo to accompany you like you accompanied him to watch HELLBOY... dapat natapos na ang argument from that point pa lang! Imagine...you watching that movie =)
please tell jojo not to kill me ha? I think may point naman si jojo when he said that he will watch it naman if you really want him to accompany you...
but overall...you get my VOTE...you're not asking him to LIKE the movie naman in the first place...you're just asking him to accompany you...that's the whole point =)
GO TEAM JOANNE! =)
Jo...i called up jogo and asked him to cast his vote too =) can't wait to read his opinion =)
First of all, just to set things straight, HELLBOY was a good film! So were Alien vs Predator, Alien vs Predator2 and the other movies you were probably forced to watch because of Jojo.
Seriously, Joanne, didn't Jojo say that he would be willing to watch the movie with you? Under the hypothetical premise that no other girlfriend/female was available he did say that he would watch it you.
The fact that he openly admitted that he wouldn't enjoy the movie should not be taken against him.
I don't think he was trying to make you feel guilty about going to the movie with you but I guess he was just being honest. He could have handled the situation better by simply agreeing but i'm sure you would know deep inside that he was just doing so because you asked him to. The fact that he said something you already knew out loud should not be the cause for argument.
Jeez, all this came about due to a difference in movie
tastes???? If les and I had arguments about movies, we would have killed each other years ago. We are polar opposites when it comes to movies. Dear Heart vs Godfather, PS I Love You vs Seven, etc, etc. We just solved the problem by not watching movies together anymore, hehehe. Actually it was always a give and take situation, I would watch a TGIS flick but she would watch Silence of the Lambs or something. I don't expect her to like the movies I like, I understand when she tells me that she didn't like them, I simply appreciate her effort of enduring the movie.
There is one thing though that I must comment on. Its the part where you said you were merely testing him blah blah blah. I hope you just said this out of anger cause i think relationships are hard enough without making them into guessing games.
hey jogs...how come yung mga movies that i want to watch are jologs films tapos sa iyo mga academy award winning films?
Plus...you wanted to watch the TGIS film...not me!!! you wanted to see angelu de leon !!! =)
Jo...don't believe jogs... =) jogs will watch anything! super couch potato niya! =)
Ooh, interesting. I'll throw in my two cents. The fight is really more about whether, if pressed one person should just do what the other person REALLY WANTS, and be a good sport about it. The answer, imo, depends on the situation and the reasonableness of the request. If what you wanted him to do is to accompany you to your car that's parked really far in the back of the dark parking lot and he doesn't want to do it and makes you feel guilty about it, then he sucks. But in this case, you're asking him to go a see a movie that I've yet to find any straight man willing to see, and on top of that, it's not even a pre-judgement - he's seen the series and not enjoyed it. I think you might have more of an argument if it's a movie that he's never heard of and he just point blank won't try, but that's just not the case here.
Same thing as - if you really hated LOTR, and really did not want to see parts 2 and 3 after seeing part 1 with him, it would not have been nice for him to insist that you go and pretend to like it...the fact that you did go was because you did like it, after you gave it a shot, but back to what i said earlier, sounds like he did give SATC a shot already and didn't like the series. You were willing to give Hell Boy a shot, but it would have been unreasonable for him to ask you to see the second one again.
Of course, the irony is funny:
"Joanne: But for argument's sake, let's say I had no one to go with, would you watch it with me?"
And that's what it just turned into - something entirely for argument's sake, no? Also, sorry Joanne, but props to JoJo for not getting pissed about the whole "i was just testing you." If Max ever said that to me, or vice versa, I can tell you that would have let to another nasty nasty fight.
I went to watch "Pride and Prejudice" the movie some years back. It is one of the books written by Jane Austen. My wife loves all the works of Jane Austen. I went with her to the movie theater and fell asleep after 45 mins. I tried to understand the movie and I lasted 45 min. before sleeping. I guess my wife knew the effort was there on my part and so there was no argument regarding the matter. I did not bring any gadgets because I am giving it my best shot. I am taking the side of Joan on this for the simple reason that no effort was exerted whatsoever by Jojo to try to understand and enjoy the movie. Actually, my friend Andrew told me that the movie is better than the series shown on T.V. That is his personal opinion. I do not watch "Sex and the City" the series but I would pick it hands down over "Pride and Prejudice"! As for "Hellboy", I bought the dvd for my private collection and watched it several times with enjoyment. We are not different.
Hey Jo, it's my first post! I think...anyway, I think that it's good to be honest with each other but we should also be considerate of each other's feelings. In my case, I love to watch period movies, esp. the ones that are love stories. Michael hates them but he will go with me to watch anyway if I really wanted to without complaining. I think it's too much though to say that you will play games or do something else during the movie. You don't want to kill the enjoyment of the other person by showing you don't want to be there. So I guess I'm with Jo on that point. Hehe, sorry Jojo, we're still invited to stay with you right? =D Sometimes Michael falls asleep during the movie but I know he tries to watch because he believes that if you already paid for it, you should at least watch it. Anyway, you could be surprised that you enjoyed it. But you have to have an open mind. If you are set on not liking it, then it will just be a miserable time. Anyway, now I just rent the movies on blockbuster.com so he doesn't have to watch if he doesn't want to. I like watching movies from the comfort of my home. We seldom go to the movies anyway unless it is a really awesome film that we both want to see or our friends ask us to go with them.
Hi Joanne,
I was very excited to see your name in my inbox after auhnnmm. long long whille,..just wasn't anticipating the content of your email though. Also im not into blogging not even sure that you would get this one,..but i am here to help a friend,..so here goes,
i intentionally did not read any of your friends contribution coz i wanted to cast my vote w/o influence and based solely on what you wrote,..sorry but my vote on this one is on joj,..in the argument he was just brutally truthful (masakit coz you were already expecting an answer in your mind, and you got frustrated when you didn't hear that, thats where you lost it and he won the argument. Plus when you brought up Lord of the rings and hellboy good point but it was more sumbat than making a point siguro nga kc galit ka na). You have the right to get mad but don't test him, he'll fail you and you will not get you what you want.,.
i think i would take his offer to go, let him endure and suffer for an 1hr-half (put him in your shoes during "Lord of the Rings" & "Hellboy"...so even na kayo. wla na sumbatan and you enjoyed yourself pa and happy na sya dahil happy ka na. plus jo, its not just joj who feel like this about the movie,.. most men do.its not you.,, its never "US"... let me know. Good Luck
Sorry Jo but I'm siding with Jojo. No matter what his answer would be will still upset you coz you're hoping that he'd think and act like you. Besides, it's the ultimate chick flick movie.. w/c I've yet to see. And c'mon, I think most guys are so not into girl empowerment shows like Sex and the City. Anyway, if I don't really like to watch the movie then I would be like Jojo.. would only watch if I really have to given that I am not forced to like it or sit through it. For something like this, i'd rather watch it with friends than with my hubby.
Miss you Jo!
Hello Joanne,
I would vote for you(blood is thicker- haha). Jojo, I have been in similar situations and I would give in. But honestly to both of you- Dont sweat the small stuff, its all small stuff. And focus on all the blessings you have in life.
希望大家都會非常非常幸福美滿快樂健康美麗更希大家活力無限........................
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