I had a really bad day and am still quite upset about how things turned out at work. It just seems that there is too much going on and the expectations are too high. (I’d write more … but this whole “public journal” idea … well, you know the rest). I guess the 3 best words to describe my state at this time are: overwhelmed, stressed and frustrated. Part of me feels I should still keep going while another part of me just wants to curl up in bed and pull up the covers. Work is just so “ARGH!”. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this “dog-eat-dog corporate rat race”. I don’t know.
My dad always tells me to focus on the positive and to live my personal life separate from the pressures at work. I wish I could but as with most good advice, it’s so much easier said than done. I try not to think about it, try not to beat myself up over things that go wrong, try not to overanalyze things, try not to focus on the negatives, try not to lose sleep over what’s done and what cannot be done. But my nature rebels against my attempts to act nonchalant about this whole situation. I’m a natural born worrier and stressing over everything is in my blood. I can’t help it!
I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if things were tough but I could see a way out. You know how sometimes the going gets tough but you hang in there since you can glimpse the light at the end of the tunnel? Or even if the light isn’t visible, but you at least know the direction you need to keep going to get to the light. In my case, there are times I am so overwhelmed and not only is the light not visible, I’m not even sure where I should be heading.
I don’t mean to be so melodramatic about all this. I have a good life and am thankful for so many things – I guess my professional life is just not going the way I want it to right now. And even then, as I complain about my job, I realize that I’m still lucky compared to many. At least the pay and benefits are good, not to mention the other little perks. I’ve got to keep things in perspective though, focus on staying positive and try to be practical about the whole situation.
I’m reminded by something my hubby once said, he has theorized that most people cannot “have it all”. Sometimes one part of your life is going great while another may not be so hot. It’s not easy to have every aspect of your life be perfect and get to balance it all. I guess that’s true. I mean maybe my current professional situation may not be so awesome but I do have a great family, a great husband, good health and a good life. The same for most, there are parts of their lives that are going better compared to others parts that may not be going too well. I guess life is fair that way. No one can have every single thing good going for them and at the same time no one can be totally down in the deepest of dumps. That’s life’s way of being the great equalizer. We can all have some good in our life to remind us the God is watching out for us – but also some bad in our life so we don’t get too cocky and forget that we are only human.
I have to keep reminding myself that work is just a job. It’s an important part of me but it does not define who I am. I still want to do my best and exert every effort – but not (never) at the expense of other things that matter most.