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Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Mars, Venus and Everything Else in Between

First of all, I want to thank everyone who has shared their thoughts on the whole SATC issue. For those that still want to vote (please feel free to skip to the next post after this). Voting is open till June 8.

The score is pretty much tied. So far, three major groups have emerged:
1.) The MIDDLE MEN who think Jojo and I are both right, both winners, both pigheaded.
2.) The PRO JOJO Group who thinks that I shouldn't have provoked Jojo; that I should have respected his right to pass on watching SATC; that I shouldn' have said I "was testing him".
3.) The PRO JOANNE Group who thinks that Jojo should have given in; that Jojo could have handled it better; that Jojo could have been more gracious.

I have received lots of comments on my blog, thru email, by phone and even in-person. Strange how everyone who has ever been in a relationship has found themselves in that exact situation. Sure, there are variations here and there - but everyone knows exactly what I meant and exactly where Jojo stood. I guess the whole men versus women phenomena is universal - there are just some things that stand the test of time and are true every where. Interesting.

The main theme of everyone's comments:
1.) men are different from women ... could there be a truth more universal than that? Men are not like women - physically, emotionally, psychologically and mentally. But I like to think it is those differences that make us need each other. Think about it. While "birds of the same feather, flock together" (after all you are attracted to those that remind you of you), it is also true that "opposites that attract" and our partners "complete us" since our shortcomings are offset by their strengths (and vice versa).

I know that's true with me and my husband. We are similar where it matters (like family values and priorities in life) but we are definitely different too, so life is never boring. Our personalities balance each other and bring out our better sides. Where Jojo is quiet and introspective, I am outgoing and talkative. Where Jojo is calm under pressure and level-headed, I am emotional and sensitive. While I am very structured and organized, Jojo gets lost in the details and puts things off. While I like to boss people around and take charge, Jojo is very mellow and can step aside and let me have my way. Where I like watching romantic comedies, he likes movies with hobbits, wizards, and heroes from hell.

2.) misunderstandings are normal and healthy ... oh absolutely! I agree 100% that in order for a relationship to survive there should be a good amount of disagreement, argument, and voicing of differing opinions. Becoming part of a couple, does not mean giving up your individual identity - so it is inevitable that there is a constant amount of pushing and pulling. A mental and emotional tug-of-war, if you will. Having to share your life with another person is tough ... as it should be! I think people who say that relationships are always easy ... are lying. It can never be always easy but that's what makes them so worthwhile. Everything that is worth anything takes some "pain to gain". Everything that you work hard to attain, you learn to value and appreciate more.

3.) in order to survive relationships, compromise is a must ... And that my dear readers is what this all boils down to. We all know this by heart. We learn early in life that it's all about a balance between "give and take" and being truly happy is not about winning all the time. You can never experience the joys of winning if you've never felt the sorrow of defeat. And you can never enjoy the true meaning of loving someone until you've sacrificed something for that person (like watching 2 hours of Hellboy).

4.) most relationships have a fine line where the true test for couples often hinge on whether that line is crossed ... In our case it was a Sarah Jessica Parker movie ... actually there have been many fine lines ... and so far we have been lucky that we've crossed those lines back and forth and gotten through stronger and better. I can only wish all the couples I know the same degree of success as they cross their own fine lines.

Thanks again to everyone who shared their thoughts. It would seem that Jojo and I are equally right and equally to blame. And, it shows that I can count on you all to be totally objective and to tell us how it is (despite bribes and threats!). Haha.


jol said...

You had the most number of comments on your blog and your analysis was outstanding!

Pablo T. Ortiga said...

What you have written is exactly what had transpired between me and my wife some ten years back. but time mellowed and healed our abrasiveness towards one another. Have you ever heard how a couple's relationship lasted 50 years. well, the husband declared: "when my darling talks, even if it amounts to sermon on the mount. I listen attentively, afterwards, I get off to the backyard and cool my 'trampled rights' away. When I talk, and she balks, I go to the backyard again to polish my points for some other time to discuss about them again. You will experience these things, mundame, inflammatory, tendency to explode, but calm and compromise, the way out to mend each others' hurt pride. Toss a coin to discuss a heated discussion away.

Anonymous said...