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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Fears

Now that labor and delivery is just around the corner, I have to admit that I am happy and excited but very much scared and anxious as well. Jojo and I have been attending childbirth classes. I’ve been reading baby books and browsing pregnancy websites. I’ve joined mommy support groups, and, of course, have been getting so much advice from family, friends and colleagues that have gone through childbirth. Sometimes all this knowledge is great and I feel completely empowered knowing what I know. But there are also times when all this information is overwhelming and quite frankly just a little bit daunting.

My childbirth instructor, Pat, told me that if I have any worries or fears about childbirth, I should write them down. Sometimes verbalizing a fear means recognizing it and is the first step in letting it go. Pat encouraged me to write about my fears – journal-style, acknowledge my fears, and “let them go”. I’m pretty sure I can do part of that – writing my fears and acknowledging them is pretty easy. I’m not so sure about the “letting them go” part. But it’s worth a try …

Here are my fears … in no particular order:
1.) Making sure I deliver a normal, healthy baby. I keep thinking about my last 9 months of pregnancy and am paranoid that I did something that hurt Jamie’s development or may make her ill. Like maybe I didn’t take as much vitamins or eat as healthy as I should. I worry about those nights when I slept on my back or found myself waking up asleep on my belly (did I squish her?). Or how I stubbornly wore shoes with heels till my 9th month when everyone was telling me I shouldn’t. The list goes on …
2.) Wanting a natural delivery rather than a C-section. I’ve been hearing horror stories about C-sections and how recovering from one is an ordeal. I’ve never been hospitalized for anything in my life so I don’t know what my recovery rate for any major type of operation will be. But I want to be sure I’m strong enough to take care of my baby after I deliver.
3.) The pain associated with a natural childbirth. I keep hearing stats about how delivering a first baby is usually 16-20 hours of labor. I like to think I have a relatively high tolerance for pain. But then again, I haven’t had much “pain” in my life to really have a good idea about my tolerance level. I’m so scared that I won’t be able to handle it.
4.) I will ask for pain medication. I don’t think I could do without it. But this is how deep set my paranoia is … I’m scared that even with the meds, the pain will still be bad. I’ve heard that happening.
5.) I’m afraid that even with a natural delivery I may tear and still need sutures. Enough said about that.

Okay … I’ve now verbalized and acknowledged my fears … how do I start letting them go?!

7 comments:

Gail Imoo said...

I hate to say it, but the pain is really out of this world! There are no words to describe it. And when people say you forget about the pain...that's not true!

Sean took 23 hours, while Jacob and Kayla only took 5 hours from start to finish. I don't know which way was better. With Sean, I was able to get drugs, but not with Jacob and Kayla because I was already too far along.

However, I'd do it all over again! Children are just a beautiful gift from God!

Junarakasa said...

Hi Gail ... thanks for sharing. I did hear that first babies take longer to deliver. I'm hoping my excitement and happiness take over and I won't be as scared and anxious anymore. And I agree with you, even if I don't have kids yet ... I already know they will be worth it! =) Hope we can catch up soon. I'll email you or call you one of these days ... I have a million questions I want to ask you =)

mom said...

I had both natural childbirth and 3 ceasarian sections. I healed in all cases in a few days time, and came home with a beautiful healthy baby in my arms 5 times. PRAY Joanne!! Put your Faith in God and He will see you through. No amount of worry will change whatever you will have to go through but facing it with peace and serenity will be so much better for you and Jojo and definitely for Jamie. Rest assured that all will be well. Billions of women have gone through this process and many in conditions so atrocious,it is downright scary. But they survived, You are so lucky to have the best care possible. Trust in god and believe me,,,, all will be perfect.

Auntie Lillian said...

Yes, Joanne - your mom is so right. As the gospel reading said this morning, do not worry - God is watching over you and Jamie. Everything will be fine - a little anxiety is all right, but too much is just a waste of energy. Take care and hope you liked the rock and play.

leslie ty said...

i will pray for your safe and "less" painful recovery...

We've been through a lot of "pains" in our lives...just think of this a happy pain =)

take care Jo =)

Junarakasa said...

Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement and your loving advice =) I am trying to be brave and to have faith that all will be well. =)

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