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Sunday, November 12, 2006

I'm Baaack

I’m back. My dad says that almost three weeks of no new posts is a record. I agree. It’s been a while. I guess I owe my loyal readers (or what’s left of them) some sort of explanation to explain my absence. But to be honest, I’m not so sure what to say. The usual excuse of being busy and having too many things to do seems so lame. The fact is the last few days, I’ve been a little bit out of it. Literally and figuratively. Literally, since I did get sick, and having the flu can take a lot out of you. But figuratively, I was not my usual self either. A combination of reasons, I guess.

I didn’t even realize I was out of it – until I had a good long talk with my folks last Friday. As always, my mom and dad were kind enough to help me see straight. I’ve been a bit sad and down lately – and did not even know I was sad and down. I think I did such a great job of hiding it because the people around me never really said anything. I was so convincing – I actually convinced myself that everything was okay. But there’s no fooling my folks! My dad pointed out that they know me so well that even with the thousand or so miles between us – they know when something is wrong. He said that because they care for me so much, they know me better than everyone else (better than myself even) that they knew I was not a-okay. Now, when faced with that kind of discussion, the first thing a normal person would do would be to deny these facts. And I did make a feeble attempt to say I was fine and it was just stress. But when I started being honest with them and myself, I guess I had to admit that they were right and I have been a bit down lately.

I've been trying to figure out what is/was wrong. Retrospection is not easy. Especially since there is no one real reason that is making me sad. Maybe I'm having a mid-life crisis (it could happen – I am in my thirties after all!). But honestly, it’s a lot of little things (work mostly, but also feelings of homesickness, frustration, anxiety). And then there was my attitude as well. I mean, think about it, everyone goes thru ups and downs. And in any situation (whether it’s an up or a down), there are two ways to look at things. You can choose to see the good in something or focus on the negative. In an “up” situation, you can look at the positive and make the already good situation better – or you could look at it negatively and make a good situation turn bad. On the flip side, you could look at a “down” situation with optimism and make it better or you could look at it pessimistically and wallow in the bad. The thing I learned from all this is that the ups and downs are inevitable – they happen whether we want them to or not – that’s just how life is. But the way we look at these situations – our reaction to them and how we handle them – now that’s something we have control over. That’s something we can actually consciously have power over.

It’s obviously a lot easier said then done. Most good advice is that way. But at least I’m making some headway by owning up to this and trying to focus on being more positive. I am going to do my best to think cheery thoughts and be more optimistic. I am going to try and rid my life of things that are getting me down and inhibiting my growth as a person. I am going to focus on the good things. I am going to work on living my life for me instead of trying so hard to please others. I am going to surround myself with my loving family, good friends and my favorite things to see and do. I am going to learn how to relax, to take things in stride and not take things too personally. I am going to do my very best and take it one day at a time. I am an incredibly blessed and an extremely fortunate person and I owe it (at the very least) to myself to be happy.

5 comments:

jol said...

No one can say or write it better than you. Of course, action speaks louder than words and we expect to see your usual self in the next few days. This blog is a good start and I am sure your readers have suddenly started breathing too. Enjoy the thought that you entertain us with your blog.

joyeee said...

Hey dets,
Cheer up!:) Glad everything's all good there and that you're feeling better... don't worry too much or pressure yourself, just take things one step at a time:) Also, in everything you do or every situation you are faced with, try to always look at the positive side... it helps!:) ( hope this somehow makes sense) Remember, the next time your feeling down, im a phonecall and text away okay?:)( and so are mom and dad!) Smile for now!:)

watari said...

I agree that you are an incredibly blessed person. You have done better than most people I know. Do not forget about your success in finding work there legaly. You are healthy, intelligent and have a loving family and thats just for starters. Spend a saturday afternoon reflecting on all your blessings and think of how God just put it all together for you. Write down each blessing and just think of the alternative if you did not get that particular thing. Hope you feel better afterwards:)

Joanne said...

Thanks Dad and Joybee! I appreciate your votes of confidence and your assurance of support :)

And "Watari" - whoever you are - you are so right. I am very lucky and blessed. I think your suggestion of writing down my blessings and thinking of the alternative (had I not gotten the blessing) is a great suggestion. I think it will help put things in perspective.

marc said...

Welcome back Dets! :) Missed reading your blog entries! I think I understand your situation because sometimes I feel like that as well but I've learned not to let it get to me. Maybe you can try not to pressure yourself too much with what you have to accomplish especially at work. Yeah, that's a good start by making your outlook positive. Hope everything turns out better! =)