While the euphoria of having Jamie with us is still very much in the air, these days I also find myself worrying constantly and stressing over the littlest matters. I think this is what they call "new mommy fears" and unfortunately I've got it pretty bad! I'm normally a calm and rational person. But lately I find that my emotions have the tendency to run haywire!
For starters, I get so rattled when Jamie cries and I don't know why. After the usual diaper check, feeding check, and finding out she is ok, I get so frustrated when she cries and I can't calm her down. I don't know why I seem to take it somewhat personally! Also, in the evenings when we get ready to sleep, I find I am so restless and sleep so lightly that every time Jamie stirs in her sleep, I get up and check on her. It drives me crazy that I am so obsessive about making sure she is alright.
Not only that - but I am also so paranoid about other things too. My mom is leaving for Manila in three weeks. And soon Jojo will be taking his CCENT exam and will be going back to work. As early as now, I am starting to worry about being left alone with Jamie and whether I can manage to take care of her properly. Is this weird? I am usually so sure of myself and so confident I can take on new things - but these days I feel so unsure of myself. Is this postpartum? Is this normal "new mommy fears"? Is this me losing my mind?
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