My mom has shared with me that going to mass every day and spending time in the church prayer room has helped her these last few days. I tried that today. I went to mass this morning with my hubby and sister then tried to spend some quiet time alone in the prayer room at St. Philomena Church. I don’t know if it’s just me, but it didn’t really help me all that much. I find that going to mass and just sitting by myself makes me gloomier. It makes me think about things I would rather not think about. As I sat in alone in the prayer room, I was a little unnerved by the silence and was not quite sure where to start. I went through my prayers, tried to reflect a bit but found my mind wandering several times. I skimmed some books there hoping to find inspiration but started feeling restless. I tried to spend time just remembering the good times I had with my dad and how we all took care of him when he was sick. But I find that dwelling on it just makes me sadder. I tried to reflect about how he is now in a better place but it didn’t really help either. I was sure I sat there for over an hour but when I looked at my watch only 20 minutes had passed. I left shortly after that.
I am envious when my mom tells me her quiet time helps her reflect and gives her an inner peace. While I am happy for her, I wish I could find that too. But for me, my coping mechanism is quite the opposite. Instead of quiet introspection, I find that keeping busy helps me get through my day better. Instead of quiet time, I need to be constantly doing something. It’s not that I have to be with people all the time because I am now actually comfortable being alone. But I just have to be working on something or focusing my thoughts on getting a task done. Even if it’s just surfing the Internet, making dinner, or taking a walk. In some way, it seems like a cop out to keep myself busy with things so I don’t have to think, feel or be sad. But it’s what gets me through the day. I guess people just cope differently and we just have to do what works for us.
How do you deal with being sad?