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Wednesday, June 24, 2009


My mom has shared with me that going to mass every day and spending time in the church prayer room has helped her these last few days. I tried that today. I went to mass this morning with my hubby and sister then tried to spend some quiet time alone in the prayer room at St. Philomena Church. I don’t know if it’s just me, but it didn’t really help me all that much. I find that going to mass and just sitting by myself makes me gloomier. It makes me think about things I would rather not think about. As I sat in alone in the prayer room, I was a little unnerved by the silence and was not quite sure where to start. I went through my prayers, tried to reflect a bit but found my mind wandering several times. I skimmed some books there hoping to find inspiration but started feeling restless. I tried to spend time just remembering the good times I had with my dad and how we all took care of him when he was sick. But I find that dwelling on it just makes me sadder. I tried to reflect about how he is now in a better place but it didn’t really help either. I was sure I sat there for over an hour but when I looked at my watch only 20 minutes had passed. I left shortly after that.

I am envious when my mom tells me her quiet time helps her reflect and gives her an inner peace. While I am happy for her, I wish I could find that too. But for me, my coping mechanism is quite the opposite. Instead of quiet introspection, I find that keeping busy helps me get through my day better. Instead of quiet time, I need to be constantly doing something. It’s not that I have to be with people all the time because I am now actually comfortable being alone. But I just have to be working on something or focusing my thoughts on getting a task done. Even if it’s just surfing the Internet, making dinner, or taking a walk. In some way, it seems like a cop out to keep myself busy with things so I don’t have to think, feel or be sad. But it’s what gets me through the day. I guess people just cope differently and we just have to do what works for us.

How do you deal with being sad?


joyeee said...

I guess it's true, people cope differently dets. I myself am the same. I feel a bit sad when I tend not to do anything. Even though I'm at home at times- I try to watch some dvds, do my selling business downstairs, or just help in the house to keep my mind of things. :)

By the way, the last time I read your blog was about a week ago. It was entitled "Junarakasa's Story Take Two... then when I checked today, you had 4 other new blogs after that! wow! I guess writing helps you too?! :)

mom said...

So true Joane. Different people have their own way of coping with their feelings and emotions. My suggestion was meant to guide you to try, what helped me, but if it does not work for you then do try something else that is more effective for you. The important thing is for you to successfully hurdle each phase in your life and move on to the next.

Joanne said...

Hi Tibby! Yup, I guess we're the same when it comes to coping with the hard stuff. And yes, blogging is really therapeutic for me. You know what else helps? Shopping! (That's why Atsi and I went to Kohls today too). I just posted an entry about it today =)

Thanks for your suggestion, mom. I am finding my own way of dealing with all this. I know we all are. We just have to take it one day at a time. =)

Auntie Lillian said...

Hi Joanne - glad you are back to blogging - you really do write very well - and colorful too. Uncle Jr. thinks you can be like J.K. Rowling and write books.
As to handling stress, meditation is certainly not for me - I ,like you and Joy, need to keep busy , to get me through the day. Uncle Jr, on the other hand, needs peace and quiet to sort his mind . Different strokes for differnt folks, I guess.
See you soon - keep on blogging and shopping too.

leslie Ty said...

Hi Jo! When my dad passed away 5 yrs felt like I died too...I can't remember doing anything that time...parang i was floating...i was so manhid...i guess that was my way of dealing with all the pain...i just blocked it all out...most of the time I would just cry it out to release some of the sadness and pain...after a month I kept myself busy na...of course it took some time for me to be OKAY...i promised myself one day at a time... =) I don't really know the answer as to how long it will take but I promise time you will be OKAY... =) i still think of my dad every single day...but's not that painful anymore =)