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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Considering Plan "B"

Yesterday I met with my OB-GYN/fertility specialist, Dr. Marsaidi. He is a very pleasant doctor and generally puts me at ease. After several tests, Dr. Marsaidi has diagnosed me as having Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome - which explains my very irregular periods. PCOS is the leading cause of female infertility. That means it is very, very difficult to get pregnant. That coupled with my age makes having a baby even harder (not impossible, but the chances are much, much slimmer than it would be for someone else). There are several procedures I will be going through in the next few days to determine our next steps and to find out what options we can take.

Last night, Jojo and I had a long conversation about this. It is no secret that we are both anxious to start a family and that we have been trying for more than 3 years now. We always attributed it as wrong timing whenever a pregnancy test came out negative. Reasons like we were both so busy, both so stressed, both so tied up with other things ... but never an actual "syndrome". So apparently it is not just wrong timing, but there is an actual scientific reason as to why it has not happened yet. For some strange reason, finding this out helps make things less frustrating.

Anyway, we still remain hopeful and will do whatever we can (within reason) to make this happen. I've told Dr. Marsaidi that I am willing to go through the tests and procedures - all of which are uncomfortable, time-consuming and expensive. But I draw the line at anything that is not "natural". Meaning, I don't want to go through invitro-fertilization or a surrogate pregnancy in order to have a child. My faith and my morals prevent me from taking steps which I view as going too far. I don't want to artificially create a child, because I know that if we are destined to have a baby, God will grant this to us in His own way.

Also, I believe that there are so many children in the world that need loving families and I would rather open my heart and home to them instead of creating another baby just to satisfy my maternal craving. I have always been open about adopting (even before Angelina Jolie and Madonna made it hip to do so). I have always thought that in the event I never married, or that when I was married and unable to have kids, this would be an option I would pursue. Jojo, on the other hand, has hesitated. His concerns are all valid and I respect them. Last night we had an open and honest discussion about them.

We know that adoption is not something we can do without much thought, careful consideration, lots of prayer and the sincere support of our families and friends. We have agreed that we are open to it and will keep it as a possible "Plan B". We did agree though that, off the top of our heads, there are some considerations. First, we will only adopt if and when we are told we can no longer conceive. That it is biologically impossible to have a child. Second, we will not adopt just one child but two or more belonging to the same family. That way it will be the merging of our family with theirs. Third, we would be open about the fact that we adopted and would never hide that fact from other people, especially the children we adopted. I think an open and honest relationship makes it easier from the very start. And lastly, we would only adopt if and when we can be sure we are able to provide a loving and stable home.

For more on Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome - click HERE.


Anonymous said...

Hey, Jo, just to state: Marou was diagnosed with the same thing by our first OB and fertility specialist and she said much the same. We changed OBs and were advised something else by our next and current one.
Our current OB said that the polycistic thing is quite common among women and does not absolutely deter from conceiving. Something like, if memory serves, 40% having this condition.
If I think about it after, a lot of it was tied to the stress of trying.
What seemed to help was to go on vacation. I went on leave to play bridge and Marou went on leave as well. And we didn't "try" so much.
Guess I only share so it doesn't stress you. Whatever the reason may be. It happens when it does.

Tracy said...

God has plans for you and Kuy and whatever it is, I think its what's best for you both. We will continue to pray that He'll bless you with one but first I pray that you get treated on the syndrome.

I feel guilty talking to you about parties last night and didn't even know about it. You should've told me!... even before i opened the party topic.

Anyways, everything will be ok. We will keep on praying. In His own time...

Junarakasa said...

Tash, thanks for sharing. Actually I am not stressed with the diagnosis. For starters, it helps to know there is "something" wrong and we can take steps to work it out. It's much harder not knowing what we are dealing with and just trying things blindly and getting frustrated in the process. Anyway, yes, it is not a "scary/life-threatening syndrome" and it is fairly common - but having it, plus being 35, plus Jojo being diabetic (lowers his count) - well, it all makes things just a wee bit harder. Not impossible though so we're hanging in there =)

Trace, don't be guilty about talking to me about parties last night. I was glad to get my mind off it. And, really, honestly, I am ok with all this. I know everything happens for a reason and in good time. I am positive that something good will come out from all this - whether it's having a family or not, it will be what's best. Thanks for the prayers though!

Jin said...

You and I have very same problems that is searching new jobs and waiting a baby. They are the most difficult things in life, I can say that. I just lef you know that PCOS is not so rare even here in Korea. And I heard it can be cured. I know some of my friends( they are 34 years old now) who got through PCOS themselves and finally had a baby. Don't go too far for now. Just try to get treatment and exercise to make your body good condition.I will try to do the same efforts during Jack's leave although I don't know my reason for infertility. But I will keep on trying to do.And I heartly recommend the artificial insemination just 3 times at least.whether you do this or not, a baby will come to you if God plans it, OK? I will try it this September when Jack comes back for a week. After you try all this,let's think about next steps like adopting a child.Joanne,I always remember what you said to me."if it's not meant to be, then perhaps our blessings are to be found in something else." It makes me comfortable.:)

jeff said...

hey jo, i think that's the way to go. dont get too stressed and focused on it. it's good to know that you're open to adoption. but will you consider adopting now even while trying for your own?

Junarakasa said...

Hi Jin, yes, I've been hearing of a lot of PCOS "survivor stories". It makes me feel very hopeful too =) You are right, we should not give up and we should still keep trying. We plan to do that. The same way you and Jack are still doing your best too. Good luck to us both =) It will be an interesting adventure for us, don't you think???

Hey Jeff, thanks, getting stressed and hung up over this won't help matters so I am trying to stay positive and not let this get to me. As for adoption, it's definitely "Plan B" and we will pursue it once we've exhausted all means to achieve "Plan A" =) I know what you are thinking, though, that adoption can take time and we should start now ... definitely something to think about too.

mom said...

I am proud of you. You were never one to mope or be discouraged over any situation, but face it head on and find what is the best to be done under any circumstance. I am positive that only good will come out of all these that your are undertaking. Bod bless you and Jojo.

joyeee said...

hey dets, dont give up hope! God always has a plan for us...I know you must have been told that so many times already... but its true!!! As you said, there are many kids out there who dont have a maybe its God's way of telling you to help them too... but dont give up first for now. Adopting is a good thing...but you still have about 5-7 years (which is a lot of time pa..), so just go with the flow.. and dont stress yourself. Just do things to keep yourself busy, enjoy yourself, take a good vacation, cook for Jojo, do some shopping. One day at a time dets... it will come!!!:) don't lose faith..and always pray in situations like this. We are all praying for u guys and we all support you whatever you decide to do.

BE STRONG! God won't give you challenges which He knows you can't handle. He knows you are a strong person...and He believes in you and love you. We're al here for you Jo Lim!!!:)

leslie ty said...

hi Jo!

I will be praying for you and Jojo...I know things will fall into place soon and you get your answers =)

We will support you guys...PLAN A or PLAN B =)

leslie ty said...

hi Jo!

I will be praying for you and Jojo...I know things will fall into place soon and you get your answers =)

We will support you guys...PLAN A or PLAN B =)

Junarakasa said...

Thanks Mom, Joy, Les - I know I can count on the 3 of you no matter what. =) Will keep you posted on what happens next =)